Autobiography of Sergey Hudiev: How I Came to Faith

Radio talkshow host each Wednesday and Saturday evenings.	Sections of his book "Christianity: Difficult Questions" are aired throughout the week on Christian radio.
Visiting lecturer at universities and community centers.	CRWM's investment in supporting a rare Russian Christian author like Sergey is a great gift both for Sergey and for Christian literature market.

Introduction by Gary Timmerman:

Sergey Hudiev is a man of 36 years old, a winsome defender of the Gospel, both by pen and voice. Sergey has been working for CRC Ministries in Russia since 1996. He was invited at the moment when he was going wagon to wagon on the Moscow suburban trains, selling Christian books published by the Alexander Men Society, an evangelical Orthodox priest martyred by the KGB in 1989. He worked under the tutelage of Mr. Jeff Busscher, the CRC's first missionary to Russia, and he gathered a wide breath of Reformed perspective and perspectives of the Bible gleaned from the publication of "Calvin's Institutes", our premiere project. Sergey is a devoted Russian Orthodox, is an active member of the most evangelical Orthodox parish in Moscow. Father Borisov, the senior priest there, came to the dedication of our library's new location in 1999 to give his blessing on the ministry there.

Gary Timmerman took over for Jeff Busscher in 2000. At the time, Sergey was the director of the Moscow Christian library, the CRC's visionary effort to share the light of biblical Christianity (without importing additional denominational splintering) among students, searching atheists and young Christians who hussled among the capitalist-mad citizens of Russia's largest city. Under Gary's supervision, Sergey began a series of lectures at the library on theological questions. He had already published his first book "Assurance of Salvation" in spring 2000, a radical position from an Orthodox point of view, but not heretical (viewed as proudful to believe that one can KNOW that he is, for certain, accepted by God to be with Him in heaven.). He had also begun a habit of debating vigorously on internet forums about his theological and apologetic positions. Launching his own discussion forum called "Christianity: Difficult Questions" on the Moscow Christian library's new website, Sergey edited the material of those discussions to form a 270-page book, including the contributions of a Ukrainian Catholic and a Russian Baptist as well. That book, published with funds from the CRC in 2003, sold over 2,000 copies in 10 months, our biggest success, and we soon hope to find funds to reprint it.

The CRC's Moscow-born radio broadcaster for the Back-to-God-Hour Serguei Sossedkin spoke last year about the strategic importance of Hudiev's labours among us. "Sergey, a Russian Orthodox, is opening the Gospel message to that largest sector of Russian people, the 65% of Russians who are nominal believers, people who lack any knowledge or habit of Bible reading. Sergey's years of studying Christian literature, including Reformed theology which the CRC has published, helps him proclaim the clear Gospel message to proud Russian people who will only listen to an Orthodox."

Formerly Sergey served our mission as the main administrative director of our Moscow Christian library, which is now in its ninth year of service. But Sergey's passion and gifts are in teaching, and our librarian Ludmilla has gladly taken over his duties. Sergey is now filling his job with giving Christian lectures both in the library and in other academic institutions. Two local radio stations feature his talk-shows every week, both in Moscow and St. Petersburg. Sergey's new job description now brings him at least once a month into other academic and cultural centers where he can reach out where rarely any Protestant missionaries ever get a chance. Sergey's third book on apologetics, "How to Gain the Faith" is aimed to help spiritual hungry Russians make the step from seeker to personal faith and a living relationship with Jesus Christ.

"How I Came to Faith" by Sergey Hudiev

I grew up in the family of engineers. They were unbelievers as everybody at that time. We had a Bible, one of our relatives brought it across the border, and I read it sometimes as a literature masterpiece. It seemed to me evidently that the science has proved that there is no God, the question was closed, the Church is the place of old people who have nothing in their life. Maybe it is for people who are not quite healthy in their soul, but for me, I'm too clever to be a believer. This was my attitude as a teenager.

When I finished school, I went to Moscow hoping to enter into the Institute, but I didn't have success. On a visit to Moscow State University, I met with Mark Makarov, who was a Protestant journalist. We had a discussion for about an hour and a half, and I was astonished not so much by his arguments, but by the fact that he was obviously move clever and educated than I was, and he was a believer! He also presented to me the book, "The Problem of Pain", by C.S. Lewis, which he also brought from abroad.

So that conversation and the book broke some stereotypes formed inside me, especially those "science has proved" arguments of the atheists and "Christians are a little strange" messages around me. Gradually I met with Christians, and argued with them. It looked like I didn't want to become a believer and I couldn't ignore this fact. The reason why I didn't believe was very simple: it seemed to me that to believe meant to put strong limits on myself. I thought, 'when I get old, then maybe I'll become a believer, but meanwhile let's have some fun!'

The commandment "do not commit adultery" especially pushed me away from the believer's life, because this sin was relatively associated automatically with the image of the fully successful, joyful life. But what was funny was that, even being an unbeliever, I didn't succeed in this sin, because I had an unsociable character which was the consequence of my selfishness, which I only understood later. But at the time, to say, 'now I can't have free sexual relations' was something that I didn't want. I didn't want to refuse for my self not only the pleasure of the real flesh, but even from the theoretical possibility to receive it - whenever and however!

So I avoided putting forward the question concerning my attitude towards Christ. Soon my attitude toward two other basic questions began to irritate me: First, my attitude toward religion, and second, my attitude toward the Church. About the first, how can religion claim to teach everybody? How can people of religion know exactly what is necessary and then tell you that if you don't obey them unconditionally, you will burn in eternal fire? In such a case, the automatic question appeared to me, 'who are you to say?'

About the second irritant, some orthodox newspapers and magazines I was reading seemed to say that the first duty of the Orthodox believer is to hate the rest of believers: Catholics, Protestants, American and German people, and of course, the Jews. There was a lot of malice, an excessive claim for exclusiveness. This of course gave me the chance to say: 'such people who teach this - it makes no sense to listen!'.

So living without God, I began to notice that I missed joy and freedom. I felt loneliness, distress and everything grew bad, little by little. I began to remember that there is something good in life, that I had met people who live not as I. I sensed in some abstract way that in reality there is something more, much more than we can weigh and measure. Generally I found out that in music, in painting, and sometimes in literature, there is some hint or instruction about something which lies beyond the limit of this world, a gleam of light, coming not from this place.

I also began to see what was inside of me: I began to realize my sin. (I had a specific sin which was especially hard for me). I knew that I really did bad, and it poisoned every day of my life.

So at that time, I finally remembered what the Christians told me a few years earlier: God has the power to forgive sins. At that time, I asked Him to forgive my sins. But for me it was difficult for me to call that real forgiveness, because I was yet not about to call myself a Christian. For several reasons the steps that should follow just didn't happen - I was in a state of limbo. To begin to obey God, to start going to the church just didn't come to my head yet. For some time, I stayed in this position. Then one day I was drawn into a discussion about religion and prayer by an unbeliever. The person said that Christianity is a slavish and humiliating religion. I began to explain that such was not true, and I defended my position rather eloquently. And he followed, "Are you a believer? You sure speak like a believer!" I answered, "No, I'm not, but I only know that to speak about Christianity as you do is not speaking the truth."

I was reading Chesterton at the time. I had read before his detective stories, but in this book the treatise appeared. I saw a gleam of light, a hint, which had attracted me before, but now only closer yet. Then I began reading Moody's "Life After Death" and "Orthodoxy" by Sergey Bulgakov.

Later, one important event took place in my life - I met my future wife. In time, I understood that the main barrier on my way to the faith. Before I didn't want to confess for a long time the sin of free sex and fornication - but now that I loved one woman, I no more needed to cling to this sinful desire - it lost its meaning now that I would marry! We decided to marry, and we have been together now for 13 years. I began to attend the services at the Orthodox Church, and participate in the liturgy. There I didn't see the things that disgusted me about Orthodoxy that I read in the newspapers. At first I just made my presence, I watched, listened and later I came to the confession.

I remember what astonished me, when I was not yet a believer, but now I was praying regularly, taking part in the Lord's Supper - and I realized clearly that I was indeed an Orthodox believer. When I came to the church meetings, the people prayed and spoke about Jesus Christ. I was astonished that these people spoke about Him as about a close relative! So I realized firmly that Jesus is Lord - even greater than a king or president! And then I understood that He is also the head of the family. Jesus is somebody who is very close and whom one can trust. Gradually I passed through deeper phases of faith - to a conviction - I could personally trust Jesus with my life. But this is not yet the complete story of finished redemption for me - it's the story of my way to God's Home, and it isn't finished yet. I only can say that I am very happy to be inside this story.